I can't watch pbs sober anymore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
