And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
