Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize