i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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