The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
