I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
