I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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