You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize