I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
