Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
