i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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