if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
