What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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