I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
