watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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