Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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