That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
