Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
