just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
