I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
