You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
