we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize