I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
