): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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