Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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