A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
