My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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