I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
