To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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