oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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