He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
