My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
