life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
