i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
