You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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