Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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