see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
