I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
