she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wrigley field is MILF paradise
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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