It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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