Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
