Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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