i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
