yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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