TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
