I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
