there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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