Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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