You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
