Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
