You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
