R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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