I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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