anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
