nut hugger
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
