my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize