Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As shirtless as possible
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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