she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
