Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
