so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
