I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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