Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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