Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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