The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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