you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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