I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
