why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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