I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
