there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
