The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
